Thankful for THE BABY!

“Thanks Giving”= Giving thanks in all things.

Every year is a different one around Thanksgiving, have you noticed? Every holiday can be celebrated with different people and depending on the previous year, you are at the dinner table thanking God for some DIFFERNT things then the year before. But most times I have found you are thanking God for the SAME things you did the previous year. Things like family, friends, a job, a home, a meal, ect.

This year was a new one for me. This year Alex and I decided we were going to make Thanksgiving dinner all by ourselves! We have now lived in Texas for a little over 3 Months and so in our cute little apartment with the tree practically up, we were going to cook, eat and decorate together!

As I sat in the ER, early that morning, I started to wonder why this was all happening? Maybe it was the fact that everything seemed to perfect until now? Here Alex and I were ready to do it all ourselves and we were “Thankful” for all the things we had, and all the people in our lives. My tweet 24 hours prior proudly announced that “I am especially thankful for the Little one to come!”. The moment the tweet was sent and then my stomach shrunk. It felt like I had been punched in the gut. What was that? Still not sure?

Now, lying in the hospital bed with blood tests, urine tests, and other Ultrasounds being done, I feel helpless in the fight for my child’s life. Why was the day of thankfulness falling on the same day I am a couple weeks into my pregnancy and start bleeding? Why is this happening? Is it ok? I am going to loose this life inside of me? Was I not going to meet this precious child that I have been so excited about? All these thoughts flood my mind as I blankly stare at the Macy’s Day Parade on the small television in the hospital, trying to distract the worst thoughts from happening.

My phone kept receiving texts with happy things like “Happy Thanksgiving to you, Alex and THE BABY!” This was very confusing. A day prior, Alex and I were arguing over names for the child and now, I would name the baby ANY SILLY name Alex wanted as long as it is ok! What a change in emotions, what a rollercoaster, what a helpless feeling of not being in control of what might happen!

The reports came back, more negative than positive. Tears flow down my face as I get out of the clammy hospital gown, it is now 2:30pm, our plans to cook at 10:00 am obviously didn’t happen. We walk out of the ER to drive back to a home filled with uncooked stuffing, potatoes and casserole. Ordered to keep sitting down, Alex makes the whole meal! I read instructions for recipes from our kitchen table, and set it with our new Christmas plates.

As we sit down to eat, only an hour later, we hold hands and begin to say what we are thankful for. You know, even in a time of uttermost chaos, you can still be VERY THANKFUL! Thankful that God is God. I am thankful to have a friend to go through this process with. I am thankful to have family and friends who will have our backs in prayer and in love. We are very blessed!

No, there’s not an encouraging ending to this story other than knowing that no matter what the end is, it will always end with Him; the baby who was born thousands of years ago to SAVE US ALL! That baby, is the baby to celebrate and be thankful for! Jesus! So my family, as we celebrate this season together, always know: God is in control, he’s got a plan and there is always a miracle around the corner! And it all started with a baby!

Everything I didn't mean to do.... but he did.

You know when you send a text message on accident? Like to the wrong person, or accidentally type the wrong thing? Well if this has not happened to you at least once, then you are a better texter than I. Well, In order to fully tell the story, I need to give you the background information: This past week, my Pastor gave a challenge to the whole church to allow the Holy Spirit to move in their daily life. I of coarse taking the challenge have said "Holy Spirit move through me today". Well he did. Just not in the way I thought he might.

I always text my dad. Him and I are close buddies, so every once in awhile I will send hi a verse of encouragement, ect. This particular day I found a verse for him and wrote: " Dad, I love you, I felt like you needed this verse today..." and I pressed "SEND" to the contact named "DAD". Well after it sent, it said it went to a (918) area code which would be OKLAHOMA. Not CALIFORNIA. First of all, How did I get this number in my phone? Secondly, How was it entitled dad? Well, not thinking anything of it, and hoping I did not hear a response, I sent the real text message to MY DAD again.
This time, with the right number. He responded and thanked me for the encouragement- but then, my phone started ringing from the 918 number I had called.

I was at work- so decided not to answer. It called again, I was having dinner- so I decided not to answer. The next day it called again! Now I was nervous- so I decided not to answer. After 4 days, the number called me again, and catching me off gaurd, i answered. "Hi, My name is Darrel and I am calling to ask you who you are and why you sent me that bible verse? You see, my son died tragically a year ago and he always used to send me things like that. I was just wondering if God was somehow sending me a message from my son in heaven?" My stomach dropped. I gulped and tears started to fall down my eyes. "I am sorry." I replied. "I meant to send that to my dad- and somehow typed in the wrong number. I do appologize! I just hope you were encouraged and maybe God touched you through my mistake."

He was crying now, and he said "You will never know how encouraging your text was, and even though the mistake, I know my so was sending me encouragement. Thank you. God bless you. Have a good day." I got off the phone, Alex looked at me and goes "What was that?" I now know- that was everything I didn't mean to do... but everything God meant to do through my mistake.

My challenge for you today is to ask the God to work in your life today! He will- you just may not know it! :)

Our role always changes...

This blog is really talking about how one person can be so many things. I will use my dad, Mark Blum,as an example. He is my Father, but before he was my father, he was (And still is) a husband. This is a role he has had for 25 years now! He loves being a husband but before that, he was and still is a son. He also is a brother. To some he has been a youth pastor, and to some he has been a close friend. To some he has been an employee, and to my cousins, he has been an uncle. These are all the general roles of Mark Blum.

On this trip to Jamaica, I found myself in many roles for the purpose of serving God and his kingdom. I helped with media and took photos. But yet I also am a wife and support to Alex. I am a new daughter to Mark and Laurie but yet I am a friend to those I have met on the trip. So how do we know what to do? Who to be? Well I figure we need to be listening to the Holy spirit and see what role he has for us that day- because he has SO MUCH MORE for us to do than we can comprehend. For example, During one particular morning I was in my "photographer role". I was taking photos, and trying to capture the VBS going on in Norwood. There were kids left and right coming up to me. Hugging me, talking to me, but mostly, I stayed focused on my task. To which one girl (with a backwards hat) kept hitting and blocking my camera so I could not get the shots I wanted or needed. This was Annoying.

I tried to pay her no attention as to not feed into her antagonistic personality- but something inside me said just to sit with her. She obviously needs something. So I sat. We sat without talking for a very long time. Until she finally blurted out, "Do you have a mom?" "Yes." I replied. "Where is she?" "At home." "oh......" she answered. I watched her brain going and going as she slowly just laid her head onto my arm where we stayed the rest of the service. As we got up to go she looked at me with tears and said "I do not have a mom." Then she walked away. This hit me hard. Because for that hour, we just sat there. To me, I felt as though I wasn't fulfilling my role as a photographer- and was pretty distracted as to why I was sitting with her- but to her (Daysha), I was the only female shoulder she had rested on in a long time. That hour to her comforted her in some way- and Had I ignored her- and not realized the role of a mother I needed to play that day- I might have missed out on loving a child who needed it most. I had the privelidge of being with her the next 2 days. We had a wonderful time. (Pictured is Daysha, Me and Anisha)

The very same day, we went to a place called "Hope Hospice." This place is a very special home for Sick, elderly and Aids Patients". This home will remind you how much you have to be truly thankful for after spending only a few minutes inside. It was there that I met Miss Beverly. Miss Beverly has not been in "Hope Hospice" too long. She is fairly new, so there is not too much that I know about her.

On this particular day however, I entered Miss Beverly's room talking, sharing some "sweeties" with her and then she cried. She spoke on horrible her day was because her daughters had called. But they called and they were crying because they are too young to find their way up the hill to this facility that their mom is "checked into".
"How far away do they live? " I asked. Only to find out they live only a short 15 minutes away. Will they ever be able to see their mom? Probably not until they get older. This is because they live with their father who will not allow them to see their "sick" mother anymore. She held my hand- and I told her when I miss my mom (Who was far away) I just pray for her. "Then can we pray together- and today I will be your mother, and you can be my daughter. Just for today?" She asked. This startled me- not because it was hard to understand, but because it was SO SIMPLE. God's love is so simple. It is US who complicate things.

So for that afternoon- I sat with Beverly as we prayed. We talked- and I was her daughter for that day- and that was just fine with me :) A daughter to one person, and a mother to another. A wife to my husband- and a daughter to my parents. These are very simple roles- ones we need to be ready to be when God needs us to give love to lost and hurting.

SO I challenge you... what roles do you play? What has God created you to be not only naturally? But Spiritually? I am not a mother yet- but on several occasions this trip I have been called to be someone's "mother" for a day. Be the person God created you to be- but be ready to shape into different roles. Be flexible. Be ready- and be willing to be all he needs and more!

When I met Anna

Walking into what seemed as overcrowed room with children all over the place,
All you can do is smell the stench of dirty diapers and hear the sound of crying all over the place.
These cries are unforgettable because they are the cries of the rejected, the lost and the hurting.
Children can be found in their cribs, in the classroom, or on the patio.
How does one choose where to go and who to hold?
Picking them up one by one as I made my way toward the room where they all play, you can see their personalities shining through already. You can see the pain, the abuse and the brokenness in their eyes, in their tears and in their clutch; Their arms reaching up, too many to carry at once.
Then I hear a painful cry, coming from the corner, underneath a pile of bitter five year olds, hitting, punching and pulling the hair of the blonde hair, mixed Jamaican orphan.

It was then that I met Anna.

Her arms are thinner than that of a newborn. Her hair is frayed and torn from many hands attempts to pull it out.
Her legs are purple and bruised from the past I still do not know about.
She smiled at me as I wiped the tears from her cheeks, only to reveal her one broken tooth.
Anna is small, she might be four but looks two years younger than that. Her small body laid upon my shoulder and my hand could feel her spine curl, and I could feel her ribs from underneath her clothing.
As I walked the hall with her head on my shoulder, I felt her heart beat slow down; she finally felt safe. Then all of the sudden, she sat straight up, began to giggle, and pointed. I looked over to see she was pointing to Alex. Her arms were out to be held by him.

“Alex,” I Said, “Meet Anna”

The rest of the afternoon was spent with Anna, and the rest of the children in their orphanage in Jamaica. The day did not end as you would imagine in a storybook. I could not take Anna home, I could not give her a mom or dad- but I did hold her, sing with her and prayed for God to fulfill his will in her life. This life is not always about fixing everything, but being the hands and feet of the one who holds, heals and fixes all things. I think about Anna a lot. She is just one of thousands here in Jamaica without a home, without a loving family to call her own and without hope for a better day tomorrow. But now, she will never be forgotten, she will never be alone and she is never without a prayer for her future, her healing and her strength. Although she only has one tooth, I pray, someday, heaven will be a glorious place to see her beautiful smile-

When I meet Anna once again.

The star of our own show...

This post could be somewhat of contradiction seeing as what I am writing- could apply to me having my own blog.

I have just arrived here in Jamaica and it is just as sunny and beautiful as I remember it to be. The people are ready to take you for all your worth, they are rood and pushy and the drivers are crazy... but there is still a overwhelming sense that the Lord loves Jamaica and the people who live on this island.

To give a little background of Jamaica, as I learned in my African American History class at ORU, Jamaica was a holding island for the slaves between the middle passage. After enslaved and captured in Africa, the British held most slaves here on this island, breeding and training them for slave work as they were to be sold all over. After all of the slave trade ended... we now have a people group who live on this island who are free physically, but not culturally.

The people here are kind, sweet and love to have a good time. But they also have to look out for themselves, they are full of fear and they need to have a "title" so they feel ownership or leadership of some sort. But as I look around, and as I hear them needing a title, needing to beg for food, needing to push to get what they want...I also see a little bit of that in me. When I feel my world is moving out of control I too try to control the outcome by moving things around and by looking for a title or a position to fulfill this emptiness inside. As I look around facebook I see people all around me doing the same thing! My dad calls it "Brag-updates" instead of status updates and it is true... this generation feels that we are the "Star of our own show". I feel that way all the time. I am trying to figure out what I NEED TO DO. Where MY POSITION IS. How I AM GOING TO SUCEED. These things are not intentionally bad, but they are selfish. Even worse, I feel that everyone needs to know what that position is.

I very much struggled with the idea of what Alex and I are supposed to do here, What we can do, what we need to get done, ect. This trip is not about me. This island, these people, this world will go on without me if I were not here... So if its not about us, why are we here? Well, God does need us here. But he needs us to be fully surrendered to him. To serve HIM. Tonight, a pastor spoke and he said, connecting with others is what we are called to do. But we can not and will not have a true connection unless we are listening. Connecting is about figuring out what others need from you- not what you need from them. Missions, work, relationships- not what they do for you, but what you can do for them. In this, you will find true joy. The verse I read today said "Give to the poor, so that they cannot return the blessing... in this, you will be a true blessing and you will be rewarded by God, not man." (Paraphrase)

Serving others without needing recognition, giving without wanting to receive anything in return. Using your facebook status not to boost your reputation but to help others, connect others or encourage others instead. This trip has already hit me in the forehead because as I have asked God to speak to me, he has... about the things in me that are holding me back from what he has.

Tonight- Look into your heart- see what you have to offer the people around you. Your mom, dad, siblings, neighbors, friends, co-workers, ect. Because in the end... you are going to realize the show was not about you... and you really weren't a part of "The Real show" (God's Show)... cause you were focusing on your script, not his. In the end, you do not want to see all the faces of people who needed you but you didn't show. You do not want to hear the promises that you broke to God and others read aloud... you do not want to know that you didn't measure up to all you could be..... do you?

This is for me... because as much as I travel, and serve... I am NOT THERE YET- I have let God down time and time again. And tonight... I am putting down my script and picking up the script of our Lord Jesus Christ. Even if I only make the background... I want to help others into the light- and in this, God is well pleased:)

Love you all! Goodnight!

The details do matter...

So, this past weekend I had the privilege to photograph a wedding for my friends April and Nate. This was a true honor seeing that I have wanted to do a wedding, and I love April and Nate and they like the photography I do. 

I was a little bit nervous, but I knew that it was going to be just great! Well, that was until I found out the details of this photography job. You see, I was not going to be able to take photos while using a flash during the ceremony- and the ceremony was very dimly lit. (For all you non--photographers out there, this is a problem) I have been to tons of weddings and have talked to tons of wedding photographers, none of them are willing to shoot a wedding without flash! This is because of the quality that will be produced is not going to turn out the best it can be.

Now that I have given you the introduction to my story- let me now say that I was freaking out days before this wedding. Having nightmares that the photos would not turn out. That things might be blurry and that I did not know what I was doing.

Isn't that interesting? I had a dream opportunity, to shoot a wedding, and 2 seconds later I was freaking out and questioning if I was able to take photos at all. This is not the confidence the Lord has given us. This is the doubt the enemy likes to stir us up with. Why was I so insecure? Because I did not know, to a "T" the details of my camera. All I have ever shot in was in the light, or if it was dark I used a flash. This is where God decided its time I go to the next level.

Always remember: Going to the next level always requires learning, stretching, and growing. These things all needed to happen. But really what God was showing me is that its not enough to just take a great photo, but to know HOW to take a great photo. To know THE CAMERA so well, that no matter what the circumstance is... you will still be able to get a great shot.

This goes with my relationship with him. I have always been one who is very practical when it comes to sharing the gospel. I know about God's love, I show it through my actions most times and not my words. But its about time I really need to start learning the DETAILS of the word of God. To know where and when God states that he loves us. I need to know the ways of fighting doubt and lies from the enemy... but I cannot do that if i do not know the details of the word of God. 

This is a simple blog, but it has been on my heart for a while. 

I did learn a lot about my camera this weekend, and I am so pleased to say that I took the BEST pictures at the wedding! But I still had a stretching time. I still needed to go through that challenge and learn the details. Because now, I am ready to take on the low light! 

So how about you? Are you ready to move to that next level? Where you fight the "low light" (doubts, fears, insecurities) of life. Its time to stop using a flash, to cover things up, or To get a quick fix, but its time to actually face and confront the enemy's lies with the word of God, with the truth written in the Bible. This is how you will come out with the absolute BEST you that God created you to be.

Last night, a women said something during worship, she said, "One of my worst fears is that when I die and go to heaven someday, God will reveal so much more 'good' that I had to offer, that I never even developed or gave away. To know I could have been better, but chose not to, to know I could have helped more, but didn't." What she said gave me the chills. It's true. Some of us hit a level that we are comfortable with, like me in photography. I was comfortable never shooting in low light. "just getting good shots in the day" but you know what... then God would never be able to use me in any other conditions that what I am comfortable with. This is the problem.

God gives us a choice to be all we can be. I say its like the disciples... there were followers of Jesus when he came to their city, but then there were the 12 who followed him from town to town. Even more than that there were the 3 that Jesus poured into, but there was still one who Jesus was intimate with and who ended up dying on a cross as well. This is how we are. Some of us reach a level that we are comfortable with and we stop. Some of us don't want to risk any more, give up any more or learn any more than where we are at. This will keep us from being all we are made to be.

As you live out your day today... ask God what he wants you to do, who is the best you are made to be, and what you need to do or learn to get to that point. I believe this life is about a constant growing and learning until we are taken up to heaven. Believe me, you don't want God asking you... "Why did you not be all you can be?" Because to be honest, the answer to that question only comes paired with Selfishness, pride or fear. 

My challenge: Be the best you can be. Get to that next level and learn the details of your walk with God- because yes, the details DO matter.

The search for dreams...

In this world, I am pretty sure everyone strives for a dream, or at least starts out life that way. In the book I am reading it quoted, "There is a natural desire in humans to push forward, to dream and to aim for something." This starts from when we are very young. This desire is what takes us from crawling to walking, from walking to running (so our parents cant catch us), from running to driving (YES!) and for some of us driving just isn't enough(Like me) we resort to flying!!! All over the world! 

This desire to dream, to strive for greatness is in all of us when we are young- because it is a God given gift! But then, as we grow older, as we begin to enter into the reality of our dreams, we begin to dream less and less. I guess thats where I am at. Before starting college I was dreaming BIG, going to AFRICA, wanting to live there! Then, 4 years of college set in and I guess I started to try to learn all I could and "get through" school. Now, my dreams are still there, I can feel them in my tears when I worship God, I can hear them when I pray from deep within my soul, and I can see them when I see photos and video of the world. 

My favorite class of all of ORU I took second semester, my freshman year called "Intro to missions and culture" with Dr. Smith. I literally cried every class, and most times so did he. He quoted that, "one of the problems we have as american missionaries is that we have passion for the world, but then when we are asked to devote 4 years to college to grab tools for the job, we loose the urgency of our dreams..." This I have found to be true. 

Another quote written in my Bible was during my missions training (ROPES) at ORU and it was said by one of teachers that night: "If medical students can devote 8+ years to save a human life, then why is it that we cannot devote 8 minutes a day to save a human soul? This is it my friends. Because dreams are not about feelings!!!! I have believed in my dreams because of my feelings for the past 20 years! This is what growing up is... remembering those dreams, and pursuing them! You don't pursue your dreams because you feel them.... You feel them when you start pursuing them! I bet Joseph could tell you that he wasn't "Feeling, crying and seeking" his dreams while he had to work his way through slavery. In fact, once Joseph was out of prison, it wasnt HIS dream he was able to think about... but he was then asked to INTERPRET the dreams of someone else (THE KING). What?!!? Thats not fair! If I were Joseph I could have surely thought God had forgotten me, and my dreams. 

You know, one of my favorite quotes from Dr. Smith is: "What if your purpose in life was to help everyone else achieve their purpose in life?" This is not what WE like to do. Humans, our generation, our youth groups, they all told us that WE HAD A PURPOSE!!! ME! I!! not you, well ok you, but I NEED TO FOCUS ON MY DREAM. This is sadly where I think we have lost the point, lost the vision and lost the purpose of our DREAMS. The purpose of our dreams is not to shove everyone away and focus on just what "we need to do", but the purpose of a dream is to be able to share with others, to be able to believe in other's dreams as much as you beleive  in your own. If we could all do this, imagine what our world could look like... But what if God forgets our dreams?

This was probably something Abraham thought when he had to sacrifice Issac. Being a newly wed, I can express that one thing Alex and I like to do is to dream about our family we will have someday. (This is more me than him! haha) In these conversations we look up names, and we joke with how many kids we want, ect. I imagine about every married couple does this at some point. This is part of the "dream of a family". This was a very heavy dream on Sarah and Abraham's heart. Even more than that, God told them, their dreams would come to pass. After a long time of waiting, and even some disobedience, they had a son. This was all they wanted! But then, God told Abraham to sacrifice his son. WHAT!?!?! God, you promised this son to him, and then, you want to kill him? How could you do that? Sometimes, at these points in life we wonder if God is just taking our "lollipop away" because he can. Abraham I am sure cried, prayed, sweated and questioned and doubted the whole way up the mountain to sacrifice his son. But it was not until the very LAST second when God knew Abraham would actually give up his dream (his son) that he not only stopped Abraham's sacrifice, but then blessed him beyond all measure! "and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."Gen 22:18

At this point, this is one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn: Obedience. I was a kid, who learned by making mistakes. I am not proud of this, but it is who I am. I usually could not watch someone else get burned, I had to feel the fire for myself to understand the heat. But over the past 4 years, disobedience has a larger consequence then it used to. Sophomore year, I was going to go on a trip with some friends, and I wasn't feeling that "right" about it. But I figured I would go anyway. This was one time in my life where I HEARD the voice of God say to me, "if you go, I will not give you the man I have for you." Now, I never say "God told me..." unless I am very sure he actually did tell me something. In this situation, I spent the whole weekend alone, unable to go on this trip because I did not want to disobey God. On the very last day of that Labor Day weekend. Bitter, sad and doubtful that god "actually said that", I went and studied with my friend Alex Muirhead for the afternoon. 5 hours later... I realized the purpose for me staying. Your dreams success, depends on Your obedience to GOD.

So in all.... we need to Desire to dream - DO NOT BE AFRAID. 

then, remember the Urgency of our dreams is at hand - DO NOT DOUBT.

But not get mad when the Lord wants to INTERPRET THE DREAMS OF SOMEONE ELSE- DO NOT BE SELFISH. (pride destroys dreams)

Because ours will come as we also believe in the dreams of others- BE GIVERS.

Realize who's dream it is: Gods- be ready to give it up for him. - SACRIFICE

Your dreams success, depends on Your obedience to GOD.

Ask God to give you dreams, and if you have lost them, or if you have forgotten, draw close to him, because when you do... those will be there as well. He knows the desires of your heart. 

Open of the Blog

Ok, its time to Blog. Not because I think I am anything special, but because I want to have a journal of all the places I go, and all the things I learn to do. So even if no one reads this, I will write. This can be a way to keep track of all the places Alex and I go to and all the things we learn along the way.

Here we go.... With China only 3 days away, I think this might be a perfect time to start!