“Thanks Giving”= Giving thanks in all things.
Every year is a different one around Thanksgiving, have you noticed? Every holiday can be celebrated with different people and depending on the previous year, you are at the dinner table thanking God for some DIFFERNT things then the year before. But most times I have found you are thanking God for the SAME things you did the previous year. Things like family, friends, a job, a home, a meal, ect.
This year was a new one for me. This year Alex and I decided we were going to make Thanksgiving dinner all by ourselves! We have now lived in Texas for a little over 3 Months and so in our cute little apartment with the tree practically up, we were going to cook, eat and decorate together!
As I sat in the ER, early that morning, I started to wonder why this was all happening? Maybe it was the fact that everything seemed to perfect until now? Here Alex and I were ready to do it all ourselves and we were “Thankful” for all the things we had, and all the people in our lives. My tweet 24 hours prior proudly announced that “I am especially thankful for the Little one to come!”. The moment the tweet was sent and then my stomach shrunk. It felt like I had been punched in the gut. What was that? Still not sure?
Now, lying in the hospital bed with blood tests, urine tests, and other Ultrasounds being done, I feel helpless in the fight for my child’s life. Why was the day of thankfulness falling on the same day I am a couple weeks into my pregnancy and start bleeding? Why is this happening? Is it ok? I am going to loose this life inside of me? Was I not going to meet this precious child that I have been so excited about? All these thoughts flood my mind as I blankly stare at the Macy’s Day Parade on the small television in the hospital, trying to distract the worst thoughts from happening.
My phone kept receiving texts with happy things like “Happy Thanksgiving to you, Alex and THE BABY!” This was very confusing. A day prior, Alex and I were arguing over names for the child and now, I would name the baby ANY SILLY name Alex wanted as long as it is ok! What a change in emotions, what a rollercoaster, what a helpless feeling of not being in control of what might happen!
The reports came back, more negative than positive. Tears flow down my face as I get out of the clammy hospital gown, it is now 2:30pm, our plans to cook at 10:00 am obviously didn’t happen. We walk out of the ER to drive back to a home filled with uncooked stuffing, potatoes and casserole. Ordered to keep sitting down, Alex makes the whole meal! I read instructions for recipes from our kitchen table, and set it with our new Christmas plates.
As we sit down to eat, only an hour later, we hold hands and begin to say what we are thankful for. You know, even in a time of uttermost chaos, you can still be VERY THANKFUL! Thankful that God is God. I am thankful to have a friend to go through this process with. I am thankful to have family and friends who will have our backs in prayer and in love. We are very blessed!
No, there’s not an encouraging ending to this story other than knowing that no matter what the end is, it will always end with Him; the baby who was born thousands of years ago to SAVE US ALL! That baby, is the baby to celebrate and be thankful for! Jesus! So my family, as we celebrate this season together, always know: God is in control, he’s got a plan and there is always a miracle around the corner! And it all started with a baby!
